How do you define Self Care?

I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought about self care this month. I’ve been feeling really punk and it’s not something medicine can help. I have to learn how to deal with many health issues without meds.  I have CYP genetic issues which means most meds are toxic to me. I’ve been doing research and I want to share with you. This is a different outlook on self care than what we normally think.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.
And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening”

We’ve already done much of this without realizing it. But we always have GUILT.  That is what we need to focus on giving up. More from this excellent author:

“If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.


It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it“.


I know this is not what you thought I was going to write about.  But I think it’s an interesting and positive way to approach our unusual lives. How often I hear about broken promises, last minute cancellations and the guilt that goes with it.  We have have to find a way to be kinder to ourselves and not carry guilt around over something that is out of our control.

Please think about this and let me know what you think.

When you comment please add ‘OK’ so I can use your comments and FIRST NAME ONLY in another blog.

Tomorrow I promise another blog about a more traditional way to approach self care.

author acknowledgement:

Brianna Wiest is the author of SALT WATER, out December 6th






  • Lori Posted December 2, 2017 8:49 pm

    Thanks for talking about this Carol, it’s an important topic, one that many of us don’t give ourselves permission to think about, talk about. OK to share

    • mm
      Carol Miletti Posted December 4, 2017 9:26 pm

      Lori – I think the approach in this blog is very different than what we normally hear. I’m going to work on incorporating it into my life. Thanks for your comments

  • Betty Posted December 3, 2017 12:15 am

    Self care for me means learning how to say “No”. This was not easy for a first generation Italian American girl raised to always help others. I think the lightbulb went on when I was unable to really care for
    myself after a serious illness and in the midst of that was asked to do something for someone else. Time to stop self sacrificing myself and say “Sorry, No.”

    • mm
      Carol Miletti Posted December 4, 2017 9:25 pm

      Thanks Betty. No is so hard to say – especially when we really want to say yes. You’ve made great strides

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